“Another division in the Share of Wealth,” that is the first thing that I heard when the Doctor congratulated me on the birth of ‘Shourya’, our second son. I was so excited then that I did not pay serious attention to the spoken words. On after-thought I wondered as to why she would say so. I decided that the next time I meet her I shall respond, “One more creator of Wealth”. Before I could put my point across to the doctor, the pediatrician greeted me as I entered into his consulting room, “Second Time Lucky,” he said.
This was a shocker. I never expected doctors to have a gender bias.
As more wishes poured in, there were many similar statements made. From loved ones, from acquaintances and from some people who had no business to talk about it. I heard them all.
“Girls are limited liability. Gone when married. You need to give it all to the boys,” said an uncle blessed with two sons. As far as I know them, they are obedient, disciplined, caring and loving sons. I wondered what made him say so.
“I now have a reason to work more, work harder. I need to build two empires,” Dad told Mom when he arrived home late the other night. He had just found another good reason for putting in more hours at work.
“That’s two sixes in a row,” said one cousin. He was referring to our two sons, Maahir and Shourya. In cricket, a “six” is the maximum number of runs that you can score in one stroke. What he meant was that we made the most from the two deliveries.
It was not long before I realized that the gender of a child is still (in the 21st Century) subjected to so many different interpretations. All of the interpretations were related to wealth; nothing that we have not heard of before. But what was surprising was that the comments were made by doctors, lawyers and industrialists, the apparently well educated, suave professionals of the modern world. These same professionals if asked in an isolated context would claim that they would never discriminate between a male child and a female child. Yet, somewhere in the deepest level of the sub-conscious there is a preference, an opinion which can be seen from what was said. It is also interesting to note that these statements were made to convey good wishes. The words were said when the person was in a positive, happy frame of mind. Hence, they would communicate the natural thoughts of the person.
We wished for a baby girl. We told Maahir that he would have a sister and we would name her ‘Mini’. But then God blessed us with ‘Shourya’.
“You didn’t know whether it was a boy or a girl when he was in Mom’s Womb,” stated Maahir.
“Sorry Maahir, we thought it would be Mini but it turned out to be Mickey”, I said.
He turned to me and said, “What difference does it make papa?”.
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| (R to L) Jayesh, Maahir and Purvi with baby Shourya |
As much as we would all like to keep away from any gender bias, there are times and circumstances when we react quite the opposite, sometimes unknowingly. Perhaps the doctors who made the statements only conveyed the reactions they got from the parents and family members they came across every day. It’s time that we make a conscious effort to change the way we think. Our country (India) has always been known for gender discrimination between a male child and a female child. And this discrimination shall continue until we are prepared to accept what the three year old child said when he saw his baby brother for the first time.
Micky V/s Mini – Feedbacks
Thank you all for your valuable insights on “Micky V/s Mini”. I had earlier planned to tilte it “Boys Will Be Boys AND Girls Shall Remain Girls”. That would have sounded more like a Gender Bias and so I decided to drop that title and replace it.
Vijay’s statement on “unconscious biases being more dangerous than conscious” is very interesting. We all have our share of so called “unconscious biases” which are contrary to our basic character and beliefs. I can think of many situations in which my unconscious bias has got the better of me. Its hard to think of a remedy. For now we can only be alert.
Deven has also conveyed an important message. “No child is ever bothered about division of wealth or assets. Its only the adults who make these things important” (as can be seen from the statements made in the article). Sharing Values is certainly more important than sharing wealth
It’s true that a girl and a boy would compliment one another – girls are always more expressive while boys keep things to themselves.Its always good to have a balance. It is therefore disturbing to read Mona’s story about ‘SCORING 5 GRANDSONS’
