“A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the rank of his enemies and bear arms against himself” – ALEXANDRE DUMP
Category: Learn
God has been kind. If not ….
As I woke up this morning, the first thing I learned was about my friend Parvinder Singh, meeting with an accident yesterday, on his birthday, 18th July. We are all so happy for Parvinder that he was unhurt and is doing fine.
God has been kind. If not …
One would recall the true life story, I shared about my dear friend, Dr. Mitesh Shah. Mitesh missed out on our “Fab Four – Sachin, Amit, Mitesh , Jayesh” trip to Tirupati in 2009, to seek blessings from the Lord for our new borns. His father-in-law was diagnosed with a cardiac problem and Mitesh dropped out from the trip just an hour before our departure from Mumbai. A day later, exactly at the time when the three of us were at the Tirupati temple, Mitesh was admitted to a cardiac hospital – just in time to be taken care of.
God has been kind. If not …
Not many of my friends know, that at the age of 9 when I was in Class IV, I was diagnosed with a brain tuberculosis. The prayers, support and good wishes from family, friends, well wishers and doctors helped me recover in quick time. Dr. Ashok Hazari, our close relative and family doctor has been supporting the family right throughout the difficult times.
God has been kind. If not ….
I would like to conclude by sharing what could have possibly been life’s greatest regret. On 23rd May, 2015, Maahir and Shourya were playing in the building complex till well past 11 in the night. As always, either we would get them or someone would drop them home. It was not to happen that night. At around 11:30, I had a vision that Shourya has badly hurt himself . Seconds later, Maahir rushed into the house with Shourya’s bleeding and roughed up right hand. Shourya’s hand was trapped in the collapsible door of the moving lift causing a severe crushing injury – pulled off just in time.
It’s been a difficult two months for our six year old, with the many visits to Amit’s hospital – the first one within minutes of the incident, well past mid-night. Every time Amit opened the bandaged right hand for the painful medical processes, we would pray for things being fine.
Under the watchful eyes of my buddy, 
God has been kind. If not ….
PS – Our close family friends, two brothers, owned a popular fast food restaurant. Life presented them with many challenges, but with their ever positive and “never say die approach”, they did well for their families, inspite of critical heath issues. While the elder one (50) was on dialysis for the last 7 years, the younger one (47) too had to undergo the procedure on alternate days for the last 2 years. Both brothers had come to terms with life – going about their work, family and social responsibilities like all of us do. In January, the younger brother passed away within a month of a brief spout of ill-health. The elder brother had just begun to plan for the two families, only to be gone – 21 days later, after he developed some complications during the dialysis process.
Count your blessings.
God Bless
Dr. Kalam’s Posthumous Advise To The Parliamentarians And Politicians Of Today.
I am glad that the government has finally initiated action on building the memorial over the tomb of our late President Dr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam, at his hometown in Rameshwaran. Having read Dr. Kalam’s works and being professionally associated with organizations like ISRO and VSSC, I personally feel that it was the humility and simplicity of the man while he was alive, that has so far deprived him of his rightful place in the history of India.
While reading Dr. Kalam’s book “Ignited Minds”, one is amazed by the vision of this remarkable scientist, scientific administrator, turned President of India. His views on science, development, potential of India and it’s youth, spirituality, culture demonstrate his deep understanding on matters of critical importance, based on many personal observations and thorough analyses. His remarkable ability to translate his thoughts into simple messages and lessons for a nation, is the reason for every Indian to read Dr. Kalam’s works. As a tribute to India’s “Missile Man”, “People’s President” , “Bharat Ratna”, I summarize below his views on the role of parliament in development of the nation. The following text, written in 2002 seems to be his posthumous advise to the parliamentarians and politicians of today.
“The needs of a nation’s people are bigger and much more important than any other considerations. We need to realize that missions are always bigger than organizations, just as organizations are always bigger than the individuals who run them.
The mission of Parliament is that it has to be alive and dynamic over issues vital to the existence of our very nationhood. Our freedom did not come as a gift. The whole country struggled for decades to achieve the first vision of independence, so we have to protect it. To preserve this freedom from intruders and others who would compromise it is our bounden duty and not a matter of choice and convenience. No ideology is above the security and prosperity of our country. No agenda is more important than harmony among the people.
For great men, religion is a way of making friends; small people make religion a fighting tool.
Three factors are invariably found in a strong nation: a collective pride in its achievements, unity and the ability for combined action. It is because our sense of mission has weakened that we have ceased to be true to our culture and ourselves. If we come to look upon ourselves as a divided people with no pride in our past and no faith in the future, what else can we look forward to forward to except frustration, disappointment and despair?
For a people and a nation to rise to the highest, they must have a common memory of great heroes and exploits, of great adventures and triumphs in the past. What we need today is a vision for the nation which can bring unity. Leaders must ensure that the younger generation is better than them and not subject them to circumstances that will stunt their growth.”
Life at Half Time
As another year of life goes by, the thought and realization that you are mid-way through life begins to dawn upon. Getting out of the thirties doesn’t hit you as much as the thought of entering into the forties. It seems to be the time, when life begins to question you –
What have you achieved?
What have you contributed?
Have you made the difference?
And above all – where do you go from here?
At “Half Time”, you need a “Time Out”. As we continue our journey in search for the answers – it’s time to reflect on the many gifts of life.
Thank God
One is thankful to God for his blessings of a loving and caring family, encouraging friends, inspiring teachers and supportive colleagues. “If I have seen far, it is because I have stood on the shoulders of giants.”
Set Goals
What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow. Our life is the creation of our mind. Set Goals. “Whatever you vividly imagine, ardently desire, sincerely believe and enthusiastically act upon, must, inevitably come to pass.”
Never Give up
The journey of life has to be in pursuit of excellence. No matter how good you are, you can always get better – and that’s the exciting part. Never, never, never…never give up. “Koshish karne waloon ki kabhi haar nahin hoti.” (The one who tries, never fails).
Be Equanimous
Life is a journey – of ups and downs, of joys and sorrows. Life’s greatest challenge is learning to be equanimous in both pleasure and pain. The true measure of progress is our state of consciousness and the change this brings about in our thoughts, behavior, attitude, actions and responses. “Adversity introduces a man to himself”.
Life Comes Full Circle
Over the many years, one has realized that life is a great equalizer; what you give is what you get. Life is too long. In the end, life comes full circle. Circumstances and people will come back. Remember, “There is no witness so terrible or no accuser as powerful as conscience.”
Time is Precious
Money is a by-product of hard, honest work. Health is wealth. Our greatest gift and most precious asset is “Time”. And, while we may want to believe that we are at half time, none of us knows when the Referee decides to blow the whistle.
Have Faith
We often regret when things don’t happen as we plan them, only to realize later that it all happens for a reason. There is a popular Malayalam quote, “Njan pathi, daivam pathi” – it means, I need to do my half, the rest shall be done by the Lord.
Where Do You Go From Here?
Our life is on the line every single day. Each day, we script our story – through thoughts, words and actions. Every day we build our legacy, and everyday our eulogies are being written.
Going forward, one prays for good health, peace, and prosperity for self, friends, family; knowledge and values for children; and seeks blessing to be a good human being, a leader with the ability to touch, move, inspire and make a difference to the lives of those around. “Life is not about keeping or settling scores. It’s about understanding people the way they are. Above all, it is about choosing to use our life to touch someone else’s in a way that could not have been possible otherwise.”
“Success is in the big things. Happiness is in the small things. Meditation is in nothing. God is in everything.”
Life has been a Blessing
Life has been a blessing
A blessing of a loving family,
A blessing of inspiring teachers and mentors,
A blessing of friends who have always been encouraging and supportive,
A blessing of colleagues and team members.
A blessing of good health,
A blessing of peace,
A blessing of prosperity,
A blessing of education and knowledge,
A blessing of spirituality,
A blessing of equanimity,
A blessing of positivity.
A blessing of mother nature,
A blessing of air, water and food,
A blessing of India,
A blessing of home,
A blessing of work,
A blessing of books.
A blessing of the many goals that manifested for the good.
A blessing of hard work, persistence and perseverance.
Life has been a blessing of being loved and cared for,
God has been kind,
Life is Beautiful.
Life’s purpose has been to touch, move, inspire and make a positive difference,
God Bless Life.
Becoming a Little Better – Each Day
“You have to apply yourself each day to becoming a little better. By applying yourself to the task of becoming a little better each and every day over a period of time, you will become a lot better,” John Wooden, basketball coach.
Dangal – Being A Parent Coach
“We are here to play, not to bully,” called out the soccer club team owner, as he pulled out Maahir from the Somaiya Soccer Championship game, just minutes after the kick-off. Maahir and one of his team mates, made some disparaging statements to an opposition team player, during play. This was the second game for the afternoon. The first game was comprehensively won, 3-0, by Maahir’s team, Soccer Cubs. An hour later, they lost the second, 0-10.
Maahir’s Team – The Soccer Cubs, after winning the first game 3-0
Maahir was amongst the best player in his team. In the winning game, he fired the ball like a bullet, from the mid-field, right into the nets. There was little that the goal keeper could do, as he watched the ball sail over his head. An outstanding goal, orchestrated by the coach instructing from the side lines, superbly executed by the player. This proud moment for the parents was soon to be overshadowed by the act of indiscipline. Maahir had to sit out through the second game, even as his team players requested the team owner to get him back on the field.
That afternoon we played the role of parent-coach, Purvi and I had a serious conversation with our 10 year old. It was good to see him quickly understand what he had done wrong. He realized the price his team had to pay for losing one of their best players. One mistake – and he was out of the team.
Sports can be a great teacher, for those who are willing to learn. Exactly a week later, we re-lived and added to the lessons learned on the field, as we watched the Aamir Khan starrer, Dangal. It was easy for the children to pick on the lessons of discipline and hard work (daily 5 a.m. training regime for Geeta and Babita), giving up on what you like (food cravings), being prepared to do whatever it takes (short hair-cut for the girls, non-vegetarian diet), serious and hard preparations (school girls competing against the big boys), fighting back from failure, perseverance, and more. The hard part was for us, the parents, to realize that there was plenty in it for us to learn as well. Every parent needs to play the role of a parent-coach like Mahavir Singh Phogat for his Geeta and Babita,
It is imperative for parents to share with children the importance of setting goals at an early age – so long as children understand their importance and are willing to work towards their realization. Maahir wrote his first goal when he was 5, and Shourya drew it up when he was 2.
A loving parent will always face the dilemma of being a taskmaster coach. That said, it is absolutely, necessary for the parent-coach to enforce strict discipline while maintaining an extremely nurturing atmosphere for the children. As a coach, always demand the best preparation and the maximum effort. But when your child experiences failure, teach him that it is not the end of the world. If he loses, tell him that he was just outscored on the day. Hold him by his hand, talk to him and prepare him for his next challenge. Personally, I have been fortunate and blessed to have parents who’ve always maintained the balance.
A parent-coach should instill the importance of hard work, and repeated practice, in pursuit of excellence. He has to raise the bar every time they enter into the arena. “You have to apply yourself each day to becoming a little better. By applying yourself to the task of becoming a little better each and every day over a period of time, you will become a lot better,” said the famous basket ball coach, John Wooden. In the game that he was pulled out, Maahir had lost his opportunity to become better that day. It is important to teach children to love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning
A parent-coach needs to be on the sidelines during the game – to guide, correct, cheer and inspire. It makes a big difference. I recall Maahir telling me after a drawn game that I missed out on, “Papa, if you would had been around, I would have definitely scored a goal and our team would have won.” Likewise, I am happy to have Dad around at the workplace – it has made the difference to my life and career.
And finally, a parent coach should share honest and constructive feedback. As Carlos Dweck writes in her book, Mindset, “Praise should deal, not with the child’s personality attributes, but for their efforts and achievements. Children should be appreciated not for their intelligence and talents, but for the efforts, hard work, practice, persistence, and other growth oriented processes.” Words of encouragement and praise should to be carefully timed and chosen. In the film, the father holds on to golden words “Shabash”, in praise of his daughter until she has won an International Gold Medal.
A parent-coach needs to commit undivided time and attention to the children, because, it’s not about coaching them for a game or a sport, or making them good players. It’s about preparing them for life and making them good human beings.
The Temptation to Spend Money
“People spend because the necessities or the enticements are so immediate and the consequences of not saving are so distant. Even when spending is patently dumb, life is often so burdensome that the temptation to purchase a little relief is universal and irresistible.” – James Mullen
Life – The Master’s Plan
As we march ahead in pursuit of our goals, engaging all our knowledge, experience, efforts and consciousness, there shall be moments of truth that will remind that in the end, life will take course as per the Master’s plan.
3 Idiots and the Secret of “All Is Well”
Wimbledon final, year 1993, Steffi Graf v/s Jana Novotna. Steffi Graf, one of the greatest women tennis players of all time, was the favourite to win the championship.
At the beginning of the game, very few would have given Jana Novotna an outside chance. But at one set all, with a 1-4 lead, serving at 40-30, Novotna was 5 just points away from winning the Wimbledon. Until that point Graf had won only two of the previous 10 games. An upset was imminent. Graf looked out of sorts. Her opponent’s game on the day was simply too good.
But then, things changed. Serving for a 1-5 lead, Novotna double faulted. At 40-40, she missed a forehand volley. Advantage Graf. The next shot from Novotna went into the net. The score now read as 2-4. Graf served an easy game to make it 3-4. Novotna realised that she had to win the next game. A loss would mean she would have given the mighty Graf an opportunity to come back into the match.
Graf had won the Wimbledon before – she had it in her to win another one. For Novotna, this was her first time. The thought of losing began to creep in. She still had one service game up her sleeve. But she double faulted on the service, not once, not twice, but thrice and let the game slip way. She knew she had surrendered the advantage – the score read 4-4. She became restless, jumping up and down, moving all over the court, visibly agitated with herself. Her body language showed that she had given up.
Novotna lost the next game at love, to make it 5-4, Graf. Now serving to save the match, Novotna choked and Graf added yet another Wimbledon title to her tally. Not because she won, but because Novotna lost. After the match, Graf said, “With the way she was playing and the way I was playing, yes, I’d kind of lost it. I didn’t give up but I didn’t have a very positive feeling”. It’s hard to forget the sight of Novotna at the awards ceremony, resting her head on the shoulders of the Duchess of Kent as she wept and wept and wept. The Duchess, who had met Novotna several times before, said, “Don’t worry Jana. I know you can do it.” It was one of the most emotional award ceremonies in the history of the Wimbledon.
Two years later, French Open, 1995. Third Round. Jana Novotna v/s Chanda Rubin. The favorite this time was Novotna. At one set all, 5-0 lead, she was poised to make it to next round. She didn’t. She couldn’t, and probably because she remembered the Wimbledon loss to Steffi Graf. Deep within, the thought still rankled. She knew she could lose, and she did.
Then again in 1997, Novotna lost the Wimbledon final for the second time. This time her opponent was the 15 year old Martina Hingis.
Think of what happened to Novotna. And now, try to remember the time it happened to you. In private, we’ve all had our share of Novotna experiences – during exams, at an interview or when faced with a new challenge.
It happened to me during a university paper in the fifth semester of chemical engineering. The subject was Heat Transfer. I was relaxed when I browsed the question paper. I started off fairly well – first answering the questions I was confident of. I always liked to answer theory questions first and then the numerical problems. About thirty minutes into the exam, I was deriving a formula for heat transfer through a spherical surface – something which I could have done even if woken up from the middle of sleep. On that day, I faltered. I ended up spending much more time than I could afford on that one question, before finally giving up. It was not long before I realized that I would be struggling to complete the paper in time. The confidence was gone. Suddenly, the paper appeared to be much more difficult. I started to worry about crossing the 40 mark passing.
The thought of not being able to do it or not being good enough has caught us more than once. We console ourselves – “my worst fears have come true”. In reality, we thought that we could fail and we failed.
We often hear the cliché, “be positive, think positive”. It’s always easier said than done. We’re often told how things can change just by thinking positive – we still have to work for it, is what we say to ourselves.
In this article, we shall realise the power of our thoughts. We shall learn to use our thoughts to create a desired state of being, to build self- confidence. Thoughts just don’t matter – they become matter. The way we think affects our body and our life. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes.”
An emerging field of science called psychoneuroimmunology explains the connection between the mind and the body. Our thoughts are responsible for the chemistry of the brain. Whenever we think, we trigger a biochemical reaction in the brain. The brain then releases chemical signals which get passed on to the body. These signals act as the messengers of the thought. Every thought produces a chemical signature that the body recognizes and reacts to. The thoughts that cause the biochemical reaction in the brain make our body feel exactly like the way we were thinking. This in turn determines how we feel. We then react to the feeling, we transmit the same message to the brain. The brain responds to our reaction and generates the thoughts that produce the corresponding chemical messengers. We now begin to think the way we are feeling. Simply put, thinking causes feeling and then feelings create thoughts—an unending cycle. This continuous loop eventually produces a state of mind which determines how we behave and act.
When we think of positive, inspiring thoughts, our brain produces matter that is known as neurotransmitters. These chemicals make us feel uplifted and inspired. Scientists have discovered that the neurotransmitters regulate all our emotions. For example, when we think of an experience that is pleasurable – our first date with the girl next door, the brain instantaneously releases a neurotransmitter called dopamine. The dopamine activates the brain and the body in anticipation of an experience and we become excited. We feel ecstatic. During those moments, we forget everything else, we lose the sense of time; we are in a state of ‘bliss’.
Likewise, when we have self-deprecating thoughts the brain releases chemicals called neuropeptides, to which the body responds in a corresponding way. The moment we think about not being good enough, the brain releases chemicals that produce the same feeling. We are short of self confidence and feel incapable of achieving. This feeling in turns leads to more of the same thoughts. Until this chain of thought is broken, the brain and the body shall generate the same biological feedback loop resulting in a state of mind that reinforces the thoughts of not being good enough.
Over the years, we have learned to think and respond to situations in a certain way. As we continue to have the same thoughts repeatedly, these conscious thoughts turn into unconscious automated thought processes. They are like computer programs running in the background, controlling our lives, creating patterns of behavior that are almost involuntary. These behavioral patterns turn into habits that become neurologically hardwired in the brain. Conscious thoughts and actions, when repeated often, become unconscious thinking and ways of being.
Thoughts matter: they make us what we are. Thoughts become matter in our body – and control our state of being. Most importantly, not all thoughts are conscious. Jana Novotna did not want to think about losing – it was an unconscious thought, the automatic computer program in the background that allowed her to entertain the thought of losing. Her state of being thereafter was controlled by an auto-pilot. She was no longer in control, neither was I after making a small mistake. We both gave in after being in a winning position.
How then do we guard ourselves against the auto-pilot? I believe I may have an answer.
To break this cycle of the unconscious thinking process requires a conscious effort. To do this, we must first consciously identify, through contemplation and self-reflection, the automatic thought programs that run within us. Next, it requires a deliberate effort of observing these thoughts without responding to them. In this way we shall break the chemical responses that are responsible for our habitual behavior, mindset and attitudes. It requires a conscious unlearning of the attitudes and the mindset that we wish to change. Once we have disrupted the automatic programs, we can then re-train our mind the way we want by exercising conscious control over our thoughts
The next time when a negative thought crops up, hold it there. Think of what you’ve just read. Replace the negative thought by a positive one – and now you know why. And if that is difficult to do – then just remember what the 3 Idiots had to say – “Jab life ho out of control – bol – All is Well”.
P.S. – Jana Novotna finally won the Wimbledon in 1998, when she beat Nathalie Tauziat in the final. I scored 45 in Heat Transfer.
17th April, 2010