Dangal – Being A Parent Coach

“We are here to play, not to bully,” called out the soccer club team owner, as he pulled out Maahir from the Somaiya Soccer Championship game, just minutes after the kick-off. Maahir and one of his team mates, made some disparaging statements to an opposition team player, during play. This was the second game for the afternoon. The first game was comprehensively won, 3-0, by Maahir’s team, Soccer Cubs. An hour later, they lost the second, 0-10.

Maahir’s Team – The Soccer Cubs, after winning the first game 3-0

Maahir was amongst the best player in his team. In the winning game, he fired the ball like a bullet, from the mid-field, right into the nets. There was little that the goal keeper could do, as he watched the ball sail over his head. An outstanding goal, orchestrated by the coach instructing from the side lines, superbly executed by the player. This proud moment for the parents was soon to be overshadowed by the act of indiscipline. Maahir had to sit out through the second game, even as his team players requested the team owner to get him back on the field.

That afternoon we played the role of parent-coach, Purvi and I had a serious conversation with our 10 year old. It was good to see him quickly understand what he had done wrong. He realized the price his team had to pay for losing one of their best players. One mistake – and he was out of the team.

Sports can be a great teacher, for those who are willing to learn. Exactly a week later, we re-lived and added to the lessons learned on the field, as we watched the Aamir Khan starrer, Dangal. It was easy for the children to pick on the lessons of discipline and hard work (daily 5 a.m. training regime for Geeta and Babita), giving up on what you like (food cravings), being prepared to do whatever it takes (short hair-cut for the girls, non-vegetarian diet), serious and hard preparations (school girls competing against the big boys), fighting back from failure, perseverance, and more. The hard part was for us, the parents, to realize that there was plenty in it for us to learn as well. Every parent needs to play the role of a parent-coach like Mahavir Singh Phogat for his Geeta and Babita,

It is imperative for parents to share with children the importance of setting goals at an early age – so long as children understand their importance and are willing to work towards their realization. Maahir wrote his first goal when he was 5, and Shourya drew it up when he was 2.

A loving parent will always face the dilemma of being a taskmaster coach. That said, it is absolutely, necessary for the parent-coach to enforce strict discipline while maintaining an extremely nurturing atmosphere for the children. As a coach, always demand the best preparation and the maximum effort. But when your child experiences failure, teach him that it is not the end of the world. If he loses, tell him that he was just outscored on the day. Hold him by his hand, talk to him and prepare him for his next challenge. Personally, I have been fortunate and blessed to have parents who’ve always maintained the balance.

A parent-coach should instill the importance of hard work, and repeated practice, in pursuit of excellence. He has to raise the bar every time they enter into the arena. “You have to apply yourself each day to becoming a little better. By applying yourself to the task of becoming a little better each and every day over a period of time, you will become a lot better,” said the famous basket ball coach, John Wooden. In the game that he was pulled out, Maahir had lost his opportunity to become better that day. It is important to teach children to love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning

A parent-coach needs to be on the sidelines during the game – to guide, correct, cheer and inspire. It makes a big difference. I recall Maahir telling me after a drawn game that I missed out on, “Papa, if you would had been around, I would have definitely scored a goal and our team would have won.” Likewise, I am happy to have Dad around at the workplace – it has made the difference to my life and career.

And finally, a parent coach should share honest and constructive feedback. As Carlos Dweck writes in her book, Mindset, “Praise should deal, not with the child’s personality attributes, but for their efforts and achievements. Children should be appreciated not for their intelligence and talents, but for the efforts, hard work, practice, persistence, and other growth oriented processes.” Words of encouragement and praise should to be carefully timed and chosen. In the film, the father holds on to golden words “Shabash”, in praise of his daughter until she has won an International Gold Medal.

A parent-coach needs to commit undivided time and attention to the children, because, it’s not about coaching them for a game or a sport, or making them good players. It’s about preparing them for life and making them good human beings.

My Encounter with Aamir Khan

On my way to Ranchi for a business meet, I was inside the Kingfisher Lounge at Mumbai airport, when I spotted a familiar face. The face was far too familiar for me to take my eyes off. It was my favorite super star, Aamir Khan.

As I stared at the approaching super star, I realized that he was getting closer to where I was sitting.

“Is someone sitting over here?” he asked.

“No. You may please sit,” was my quick response.

A center table and approximately four feet of space was what separated me from Aamir. It’s hard to describe the feeling of that moment in words…. It can only be experienced.

Aamir was accompanied by an unknown female colleague. She started talking to him about work. He interrupted her and walked to the cafeteria. After looking at everything that was for the taking, he returned to his seat with four chocolate cookies. He then asked her to continue. And even though I sat staring at my laptop screen, I couldn’t help eavesdropping on their conversation.

She asked him if he would like to go to the hotel or directly to the site, once they landed in Jaipur. He said he was fine with anything, adding, “I just need a bathroom to freshen up.” She then switched topics about some tax rebate for the donation he had made to an NGO. It was something that she was unable to sort out, so she asked if he could speak to the concerned person. He said he would.

I decided to ask him for an autograph. I took my business card and turned it over to hand it to Aamir. I spotted a small black mark on it. I quickly pulled out another card. This was spotless. I requested for an autograph. “OK,” he said. I handed over my pen and the card. He signed, stopped, looked at the pen… and signed again. I was happy to have his autograph on the back of my business card. I tucked it back into my wallet and made sure that I did not mix it up with my other cards.

He continued to bite the cookies. ‘Should I ask him for a photograph,’ I wondered. Before thinking too much I said, “Aamir, do you mind a photograph?” He looked at me and nodded affirmatively. ‘Bingo!’

As both of us were seated face-on, I thought I would request Aamir to come and sit besides me (mine was a sofa for two). Before I could say anything, I saw Aamir already up on his toes. I nervously handed over my new Samsung mobile to his colleague and explained to her how to click. I stood besides him, trying to put on my ‘all-time best’ smile. The clicks were silent. She asked me if it was done. I replied “I guess so. Thanks.”

I thanked Aamir, shook hands and sat down to see the photograph. The picture was blurred beyond recognition.“It looks like a ghost of you and me,” I told Aamir as I showed him the photograph. I hoped that he would oblige with one more photograph. He said nothing. I cursed myself. ‘Why did I not get my digital camera out of my laptop case for this one big moment?

’

The Ghost Picture

I pretended to be working again and wished that my phone would ring. I had set a new ring tone just a few days back. It was the song ‘Dil Chahta Hai’. No calls. Luck just seemed to have run out. Meanwhile, a Kingfisher executive came up to Aamir and told him that he could board the flight when he was ready.

A few minutes later I walked out from the lounge even as Aamir sat there. I wanted to share the excitement with my loved ones. I called up Purvi but she did not pick up the phone. As I passed through the security check I still kept thinking about the ghost picture. I settled at the departure terminal and looked at the photograph one more time. I sadly looked on; zoomed, rotated… it still was the ghost picture. I gave up and moved to the next photograph.

“Me and Aamir” the photograph that you see was there. She had clicked two photographs. The ghost picture was God’s teaser.

Thank you, Aamir Khan! – By Aniket Gore

Would like to share a post by my thoughtful friend Aniket (aniket1@vsnl.com).

SPREAD THE WORD PLEASE!!

Hi All,

I share a recent personal experience – I hope all of you will find useful.

After watching the Satyamev Jayate episode related to the medical industry, we were made aware of the difference between sales cost of branded medicines and generics (identical medicines with different brandnames).

I got the direct benefit of this input just a couple of days ago:

My mother was prescribed “Ceftum 500” – Manufacturer Glaxo SmithKline(Generic Name – Cefuroxime Axetil – strength 500 mg).

A strip of 4 tablets costs Rs. 341.50 – i.e. each tablet costs over 85 Rs.

I asked the chemist for a cheaper alternative tablet of Cefuroxime Axetil 500 mg.

I was offered a strip of 10 – called Zefu 500 (identical medicine – Cefuroxime Axetil 500 mg)- for the cost of approx. 205 Rs. – at Rs. 20.50 per tablet.

The manufacturer – FDC is a very reputed pharma company . (The manufacturer of Electral)

Here is a chart that highlights the vast difference in pricing – of different manufacturers:

http://patientindia.com/resultDetails.php?searchC=1&genId=471&brandId=4854, the price structure is dated, GSK have since increased their pricing – but as a representation you can find pricing for an identical drug – from 21 Rs to 80 Rs – available from a wide variety of manufacturers!

Shame on the FDA in India which allows such disparate pricing, and shame on doctors who prescribe such fancily priced medicines blindly (on rare occasions without awareness- but in most cases – with complete knowledge of the vast price gap!). We pay these fancy prices, and doctors are taken to international conferences: wined, dined and bribed – courtesy our generosity.

We are ignorant and as a result being royally fleeced, and what is most damning in this scenario – is that most people really struggle to pay the cost of these fancy priced medicines.

There is a social consequence to this malpractice.

Far too often people may hesitate to approach the chemist – with a fear psychosis – (“the cheapest medicine may not be the best, may be spurious etc.)

But the truth is that there are a plethora of pharma companies – very well reputed – which produce a standard medicine and deliver the goods to you.

Generic chemist shops are flourishing in Rajasthan and saving the common man significant money.

It is important to recognize that Pharma companies which distort pricing – are relying solely on an unholy nexus, and not a genuine quality difference – to sell their product at exorbitant price.

Next time, please do not hesitate to ask your chemist for the generic name – of any brand your doctor prescribes to you, and DEMAND the CHEAPEST alternative.

Please spread this info, to your friends and relatives, and let everyone demand a fair priced generic medicine from their local chemist.

Thank you, Aamir Khan!