Pappu Kaka

Pappu Kaka, that’s what he was to our generation – ever cheerful, jovial and generous. The youngest of the four brothers, everyone else in the family affectionately called him Pappu. At work, he was respectfully called as Balraj Sir – never a boss, he was everyone’s best friend, a true mentor who would endlessly keep sharing his experiences; but a tough and loud task master when work demanded. To Evelyn aunty, he was Raj; for Micky and Avi he was a loving Papa, always there for them.

As a kid, I would always count on him to help me with drawings. He had a good hand – in drawing and handwriting. When Grandma was diagnosed with cancer, he took upon him to accompany her for all the treatments. With his witty humor and hearty smile, he had the remarkable ability to quickly make friends and make an ever lasting impression. His, was the first love marraige in our family – clearing the way for the rest of us. A complete family man, who put the wishes of others before his own.

A mechanical engineer by qualification, from the prestigious Birla Vishwakarma Mahavidyalaya (BVM), Anand, he started his professional career at the Mazgaon Dock. For the rest of his life, he was the pillar of strength at Unique Mixers, our manufacturing business. He was the man on the floor – leading, managing and controlling the factory operations. His favourite subjects were engineering drawing and geometry, putting them to good use at all times. He was a master, when it came to matters pertaining to central excise. He was very popular amongst our customers, who found him approachable. Vendors called him Pappu Seth.

To me, he was my first mentor, when I joined the factory in 2003 – while Dad was recovering from his cardiac ailment. He remained one for the rest of his life, always lending a ear to my challenges and doing the best he could to help me.

Pappukaka was emotional. He listened with empathy. He was somebody, who would not think twice, before lending a helping hand – at his own cost and risk. It was only after he was gone, that we learned from the people he helped, about his many good deeds. With people and work, he always had a sixth sense – more often than not, he was right in his judgment. Yet, there were many who also took advantage of his goodness – only to be forgiven. He never took things seriously.

It’s more than two years now, since he left us. If he would have been around, we would be celebrating his 62nd Birthday today. Knowing him, the way he was, he would still want us to celebrate.

Happy Birthday Pappu Kaka. We miss you.

My Hero – Papa

Papa has been a caring father, an uncompromising mentor, a tough boss, and above all my strongest shield. My greatest learnings of life have been by observing him and his actions. If I had to describe Papa in three words, they would be perfectionist, hardworking, and intelligent.

Papa is a simple man, with little needs and no wants. He has a penchant for good things in life. A complete family person – with love for the parents, respect for elders, and affection the younger ones; super tough on the outside – very emotional from within.

A university gold medalist, Papa is amongst of the best mechanical design engineers, that one would ever come across. With his never-never-never give up attitude, a passion for excellence, patience, perseverance and an extremely creative engineering mindset, he earned the honor of working with the great scientist and former President of India, Dr A.P.J. Abdul Kalam for developments on the Indian missile technology. Papa has been at the forefront of our many prestigious executions for the Indian space program.

Well read, well informed, he carefully chooses words at all times, speaking with an aura, charisma, energy and passion. He has the remarkable ability to convince others with his calm and composed demeanour. It’s hard to win over him in a debate. At the same time, he is a keen observer, a good listener, a quick thinker, accepting the others point of view, whenever communicated with reason and logic. It’s very often that I have received compliments from our customers, professional associates, and friends about his pleasant and unforgettable personality.

Papa is a tough boss and an uncompromising mentor. It’s hard to get praise from him. It took a while for me to realize, that one has done good, when he does not ask questions, and, extra ordinarily well, if he says good. At work, the father-son relationship is limited to lunch time (though I do take some liberties every now and then).

To this day, Papa puts in more hours at work than I do. Inspite of the everyday long hours, and many a times working seven days a week, it’s rare to catch him with an expression of tiredness – you cannot make the difference if he is headed to work or returning back. And when he is back home each day, (by which the half of Mumbai is already preparing to sleep) he still has enough energy and patience in him to listen to the everyday experiences of Shourya and Maahir, and share with them many events and stories from his life.

That’s my father. That’s my Hero.

Happy Birthday Papa

Vasuki

It’s been 30 years, but seems just like yesterday, when Mom, Dad and me moved to Vasuki, on the fourth floor, flat no. A-10. A nice and cosy one bedroom apartment, in Ghatkopar’s one of the only three multi-storey buildings at that time. I was younger than Maahir is today. Debu, Manish and Sameer were my first friends. I can feel the goose bumps already, as I begin the walk down the memory lane.

Vasuki was a much more happening place then. The all night navratri celebrations were amongst the best in Ghatkopar. I fondly remember the annual sports day celebrations – boys and girls, uncles and aunties, all of whom were pumped up for the event. Back then in the 80’s, when buildings did not have a club house, our Vasuki boasted of a concrete tennis court, a volley ball arena, a table tennis facility and, a playground that all of Mumbai would envy about, and still does. In the days when the only TV channel was Doordarshan, and there was no IPL, we had our own table tennis tournaments and volley ball matches. Night games of volleyball and box cricket often ended only after the local police came over, with a compliant from some residents – Yes, we had our share of them too!!!

We moved into the B wing, in 1992. Back then, we enjoyed an uninterrupted view of the Mumbai airport runway – we could watch the airplane right from the moment it entered Mumbai air space, the touch down, right until the time that the aircraft came to a stop. The landscape around, has completely changed – though we are still fortunate to have plenty of greens, gardens and open spaces all over. It used to be very airy – the moment one entered into Vasuki. The atmosphere around still remains electric and vibrant, with students bee-ing all around the building, and kiddos playing all types of games inside the building, all day.

The Holi and Sharad Poonam celebrations, and the gathering of Republic Day and Independence Day have always been special, bringing together our one big Vasuki family.The Ganesha festival, Govinda handi and Sankrantri kite flying events have added to the spice of life.

As we move in to our new home today with lots of joy and excitement; it’s also with a heavy heart. It’s hard to move away from the family that’s been with you all your life. Vasuki has been our home for three generations, and has blessed us with a happy, peaceful and prosperous life. We are fortunate that Maahir and Shourya have spent their childhood in this wonderful neighborhood, in a culture of simplicity, oneness, and sharing.

Purvi and I will miss the Sunday morning walks, trips to Siddhi Vinayak with Raju Bhai, Hiren and Seema Bhabhi, Manoj, Rajesh; Mom will miss her morning meditation. I will miss seeing my morning walk inspiration – Vipul Bhai and Sonal Bhabhi.We will miss Ajit uncle’s enthusiasm and positivity, from his morning visits to our home; I will miss greeting Venugopal aunty good morning while opening the door to the milkman.We will miss Jayashree, who would be always happy to baby sit the kids when the family was not around. We will miss being with Annu and Geetu during their trips to India. I will miss the energy of Himanshu, the many conversations with Amar, Abhay, Chetan, Jignesh, Rohit, Bharat Bhai And Reena Bhabhi, Shashi, Tejas. We will miss the Bulani family, the Navani family, the Kothari family, the Gala family, the Parekh family, Gulab Uncle’s and Navin Uncle’s families, the Kutty and Venugopal family, the Monani family, the Joshi family, the Dawda family, the Sheshadari and Subrahmaniyam family, the Gogate family, the Acharya family, the Ved family, the Thakker family, the Hurbada family, the Athnekar family, the Betai family, the Agrawals, the Modi family, and our new next door neighbours, Mayur and Priya. Maahir will miss Smit, Saahil, Priyansh, Raj and Shourya will miss Krishna, Veesmay, Dharmik. We will miss our sweet little darlings, Arham, Jianshi and Krupa. We will miss Vasuki, and the little pleasures that came along each day that we have lived here; but for sure, will cherish these memories through our lives.

Thank You All. God Bless Vasuki.

MOTHER

A young mother set her foot on the path of life. “Is this the long way?” she asked. God replied: “Yes, and the way is hard. And you will be old before you reach the end of it.But the end will be better than the beginning.”
The young mother was happy, but she would not believe that anything could be better than these years. So she played with her little children,gathered flowers for them along the way, bathed them in the natural streams as the sun shone on them. “Nothing will ever be lovelier than this,” she said to God.

Then as the dark stormy night came, her children shook with fear and cold. The mother drew them close and covered them with her mantle, and the children said, “Mother, we are not afraid for you are near, and no harm can come.”
And then morning came, and there was a huge mountain ahead. The children climbed and grew weary. The mother was weary too but at all times she encouraged her children,” A little patience and we will be on top.” So the children climbed, and when they reached the peak they said, “Mother, we would not have done it without you.”

The mother looked at the night sky and as she gazed the stars she thought, “This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned fortitude in the face of hardness. Yesterday I gave them courage. Today, I ‘ ve given them strength.”

And the next day, came angry clouds which darkened the earth. Clouds of war, hate and evil. The children groped and stumbled, and the mother said: “Look up. Lift your eyes to the light.” And the children looked and saw above the clouds an everlasting glory. It guided them beyond the darkness. And that night the Mother said,”This is the best day of all, for I have shown my children God.”

Days went by, weeks passed, and then months and years. The mother grew old, feeble and bent. By then, her children were tall and strong, and walked with courage. When the way was rough, they lifted her, for she was as light as a feather; and at last they came to a hill, and beyond they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide.
The mother said,”I reached the end of my journey. And now I know the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk alone, and their children after them.”

Her children said, “You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates.”
They stood and watched her as she walked alone, and the gates closed after her. And they said: “We cannot see you, but you will always remain with us.”

Your Mother is always with you…. She’s the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street; she’s the smell of bleach in your freshly laundered socks; she’s the cool hand on your brow when you’re unwell.
Your Mother lives inside your laughter. She’s crystallized in every teardrop. She’s the place you came from, your first home; She’s the map you follow with every step you take. She’s your first love and your first heartbreak.

Nothing can separate you from your mother. Not time, not space… not even God!

Adapted and edited from an anonymous write up.

God has been kind. If not ….

As I woke up this morning, the first thing I learned was about my friend Parvinder Singh, meeting with an accident yesterday, on his birthday, 18th July. We are all so happy for Parvinder that he was unhurt and is doing fine.

God has been kind. If not …

One would recall the true life story, I shared about my dear friend, Dr. Mitesh Shah. Mitesh missed out on our “Fab Four – Sachin, Amit, Mitesh , Jayesh” trip to Tirupati in 2009, to seek blessings from the Lord for our new borns. His father-in-law was diagnosed with a cardiac problem and Mitesh dropped out from the trip just an hour before our departure from Mumbai. A day later, exactly at the time when the three of us were at the Tirupati temple, Mitesh was admitted to a cardiac hospital – just in time to be taken care of.

God has been kind. If not …

Not many of my friends know, that at the age of 9 when I was in Class IV, I was diagnosed with a brain tuberculosis. The prayers, support and good wishes from family, friends, well wishers and doctors helped me recover in quick time. Dr. Ashok Hazari, our close relative and family doctor has been supporting the family right throughout the difficult times.

God has been kind. If not ….

I would like to conclude by sharing what could have possibly been life’s greatest regret. On 23rd May, 2015, Maahir and Shourya were playing in the building complex till well past 11 in the night. As always, either we would get them or someone would drop them home. It was not to happen that night. At around 11:30, I had a vision that Shourya has badly hurt himself . Seconds later, Maahir rushed into the house with Shourya’s bleeding and roughed up right hand. Shourya’s hand was trapped in the collapsible door of the moving lift causing a severe crushing injury – pulled off just in time.

It’s been a difficult two months for our six year old, with the many visits to Amit’s hospital – the first one within minutes of the incident, well past mid-night. Every time Amit opened the bandaged right hand for the painful medical processes, we would pray for things being fine.

Under the watchful eyes of my buddy,

Shourya’s right hand is recovering. He hasn’t missed his school for a single day – and has been writing with his left hand ever since the accident. Soon, he will be able to write with his right hand again. Our little, delicate darling Shourya has lived up to his name which means Braveheart.

God has been kind. If not ….

PS – Our close family friends, two brothers, owned a popular fast food restaurant. Life presented them with many challenges, but with their ever positive and “never say die approach”, they did well for their families, inspite of critical heath issues. While the elder one (50) was on dialysis for the last 7 years, the younger one (47) too had to undergo the procedure on alternate days for the last 2 years. Both brothers had come to terms with life – going about their work, family and social responsibilities like all of us do. In January, the younger brother passed away within a month of a brief spout of ill-health. The elder brother had just begun to plan for the two families, only to be gone – 21 days later, after he developed some complications during the dialysis process.

Count your blessings.

God Bless

Life at Half Time

As another year of life goes by, the thought and realization that you are mid-way through life begins to dawn upon. Getting out of the thirties doesn’t hit you as much as the thought of entering into the forties. It seems to be the time, when life begins to question you –
What have you achieved?
What have you contributed?
Have you made the difference?
And above all – where do you go from here?

At “Half Time”, you need a “Time Out”. As we continue our journey in search for the answers – it’s time to reflect on the many gifts of life.

Thank God
One is thankful to God for his blessings of a loving and caring family, encouraging friends, inspiring teachers and supportive colleagues. “If I have seen far, it is because I have stood on the shoulders of giants.”

Set Goals
What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow. Our life is the creation of our mind. Set Goals. “Whatever you vividly imagine, ardently desire, sincerely believe and enthusiastically act upon, must, inevitably come to pass.”

Never Give up
The journey of life has to be in pursuit of excellence. No matter how good you are, you can always get better – and that’s the exciting part. Never, never, never…never give up. “Koshish karne waloon ki kabhi haar nahin hoti.” (The one who tries, never fails).

Be Equanimous
Life is a journey – of ups and downs, of joys and sorrows. Life’s greatest challenge is learning to be equanimous in both pleasure and pain. The true measure of progress is our state of consciousness and the change this brings about in our thoughts, behavior, attitude, actions and responses. “Adversity introduces a man to himself”.

Life Comes Full Circle
Over the many years, one has realized that life is a great equalizer; what you give is what you get. Life is too long. In the end, life comes full circle. Circumstances and people will come back. Remember, “There is no witness so terrible or no accuser as powerful as conscience.”

Time is Precious
Money is a by-product of hard, honest work. Health is wealth. Our greatest gift and most precious asset is “Time”. And, while we may want to believe that we are at half time, none of us knows when the Referee decides to blow the whistle.

Have Faith
We often regret when things don’t happen as we plan them, only to realize later that it all happens for a reason. There is a popular Malayalam quote, “Njan pathi, daivam pathi” – it means, I need to do my half, the rest shall be done by the Lord.

Where Do You Go From Here?
Our life is on the line every single day. Each day, we script our story – through thoughts, words and actions. Every day we build our legacy, and everyday our eulogies are being written.
Going forward, one prays for good health, peace, and prosperity for self, friends, family; knowledge and values for children; and seeks blessing to be a good human being, a leader with the ability to touch, move, inspire and make a difference to the lives of those around. “Life is not about keeping or settling scores. It’s about understanding people the way they are. Above all, it is about choosing to use our life to touch someone else’s in a way that could not have been possible otherwise.”

“Success is in the big things. Happiness is in the small things. Meditation is in nothing. God is in everything.”

Life has been a Blessing

Life has been a blessing

A blessing of a loving family,
A blessing of inspiring teachers and mentors,
A blessing of friends who have always been encouraging and supportive,
A blessing of colleagues and team members.

A blessing of good health,
A blessing of peace,
A blessing of prosperity,
A blessing of education and knowledge,
A blessing of spirituality,
A blessing of equanimity,
A blessing of positivity.

A blessing of mother nature,
A blessing of air, water and food,
A blessing of India,
A blessing of home,
A blessing of work,
A blessing of books.

A blessing of the many goals that manifested for the good.

A blessing of hard work, persistence and perseverance.

Life has been a blessing of being loved and cared for,
God has been kind,
Life is Beautiful.

Life’s purpose has been to touch, move, inspire and make a positive difference,
God Bless Life.

Dangal – Being A Parent Coach

“We are here to play, not to bully,” called out the soccer club team owner, as he pulled out Maahir from the Somaiya Soccer Championship game, just minutes after the kick-off. Maahir and one of his team mates, made some disparaging statements to an opposition team player, during play. This was the second game for the afternoon. The first game was comprehensively won, 3-0, by Maahir’s team, Soccer Cubs. An hour later, they lost the second, 0-10.

Maahir’s Team – The Soccer Cubs, after winning the first game 3-0

Maahir was amongst the best player in his team. In the winning game, he fired the ball like a bullet, from the mid-field, right into the nets. There was little that the goal keeper could do, as he watched the ball sail over his head. An outstanding goal, orchestrated by the coach instructing from the side lines, superbly executed by the player. This proud moment for the parents was soon to be overshadowed by the act of indiscipline. Maahir had to sit out through the second game, even as his team players requested the team owner to get him back on the field.

That afternoon we played the role of parent-coach, Purvi and I had a serious conversation with our 10 year old. It was good to see him quickly understand what he had done wrong. He realized the price his team had to pay for losing one of their best players. One mistake – and he was out of the team.

Sports can be a great teacher, for those who are willing to learn. Exactly a week later, we re-lived and added to the lessons learned on the field, as we watched the Aamir Khan starrer, Dangal. It was easy for the children to pick on the lessons of discipline and hard work (daily 5 a.m. training regime for Geeta and Babita), giving up on what you like (food cravings), being prepared to do whatever it takes (short hair-cut for the girls, non-vegetarian diet), serious and hard preparations (school girls competing against the big boys), fighting back from failure, perseverance, and more. The hard part was for us, the parents, to realize that there was plenty in it for us to learn as well. Every parent needs to play the role of a parent-coach like Mahavir Singh Phogat for his Geeta and Babita,

It is imperative for parents to share with children the importance of setting goals at an early age – so long as children understand their importance and are willing to work towards their realization. Maahir wrote his first goal when he was 5, and Shourya drew it up when he was 2.

A loving parent will always face the dilemma of being a taskmaster coach. That said, it is absolutely, necessary for the parent-coach to enforce strict discipline while maintaining an extremely nurturing atmosphere for the children. As a coach, always demand the best preparation and the maximum effort. But when your child experiences failure, teach him that it is not the end of the world. If he loses, tell him that he was just outscored on the day. Hold him by his hand, talk to him and prepare him for his next challenge. Personally, I have been fortunate and blessed to have parents who’ve always maintained the balance.

A parent-coach should instill the importance of hard work, and repeated practice, in pursuit of excellence. He has to raise the bar every time they enter into the arena. “You have to apply yourself each day to becoming a little better. By applying yourself to the task of becoming a little better each and every day over a period of time, you will become a lot better,” said the famous basket ball coach, John Wooden. In the game that he was pulled out, Maahir had lost his opportunity to become better that day. It is important to teach children to love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning

A parent-coach needs to be on the sidelines during the game – to guide, correct, cheer and inspire. It makes a big difference. I recall Maahir telling me after a drawn game that I missed out on, “Papa, if you would had been around, I would have definitely scored a goal and our team would have won.” Likewise, I am happy to have Dad around at the workplace – it has made the difference to my life and career.

And finally, a parent coach should share honest and constructive feedback. As Carlos Dweck writes in her book, Mindset, “Praise should deal, not with the child’s personality attributes, but for their efforts and achievements. Children should be appreciated not for their intelligence and talents, but for the efforts, hard work, practice, persistence, and other growth oriented processes.” Words of encouragement and praise should to be carefully timed and chosen. In the film, the father holds on to golden words “Shabash”, in praise of his daughter until she has won an International Gold Medal.

A parent-coach needs to commit undivided time and attention to the children, because, it’s not about coaching them for a game or a sport, or making them good players. It’s about preparing them for life and making them good human beings.

My Sister Honey

Back in the 80’s, Honey and I were just the two kids in the house – sharing chocolates, riding the bicycle and the jeep I had, fighting over toys, studying together (mom taught both of us). When someone took up a fight with me, he knew he had to deal with my little sister. Those memories shall remain forever.

Honey is in the US, since 2003, and we may not be talking as often as a brother or sister would – but that that doesn’t matter. Because deep within, both of us know that we are there for each other – always. In 2009, Honey and Mayur got married. I am so glad that my sister has found a humble, thoughtful, responsible and caring partner.

She is precious and shall always be…

Miss You Sister,

Happy Raksha Bandhan

Sonu Bhaiya