“You have to apply yourself each day to becoming a little better. By applying yourself to the task of becoming a little better each and every day over a period of time, you will become a lot better,” John Wooden, basketball coach.
ये उम्र चालीस की बड़ी अजीब होती है
ये उम्र चालीस की
बड़ी अजीब होती है
न बीस का ज़ोश,न साठ की समझ
ये हर तरफ से गरीब होती है
सफेदी बालों से झांकने लगती है
तेज़ दौड़ो तो सांस हाँफने लगती है
टूटे ख़्वाब, अधूरी ख़्वाहिशें, सब
मुँह तुम्हारा ताकने लगती है
ख़ुशी बस इस बात की होती है
की ये उम्र सबको नसीब होती है
उम्र चालीस की बड़ी अजीब होती है..
न कोई हसीना मुस्कुराके देखती है
ना ही नजरों के तीर फेकती है,और
आँख लड़ा भी ले कोई गलती से,
तो ये उम्र तुम्हें दायरे में रखती है
कदर नहीं थी जिसकी जवानी में
वो जवानी अब बड़ी करीब होती है
उम्र चालीस की बड़ी अजीब होती है..
वैसे, नज़रिया बदलो तो
शुरू से शुरवात हो सकती है
आधी तो अच्छी गुज़री है,
आधी
और बेहतर गुज़र सकती है
थोड़ा बालों को काला और
दिल को हरा कर लो
अधूरी ख्वाहिशों से न कोई
समझौता कर लो
ज़िन्दगी तो चलेगी अपनी रफ़्तार से
तुम रफ़्तार अपनी काबू में कर लो
उम्र चालीस की बड़ी अजीब होती है..
Dangal – Being A Parent Coach
“We are here to play, not to bully,” called out the soccer club team owner, as he pulled out Maahir from the Somaiya Soccer Championship game, just minutes after the kick-off. Maahir and one of his team mates, made some disparaging statements to an opposition team player, during play. This was the second game for the afternoon. The first game was comprehensively won, 3-0, by Maahir’s team, Soccer Cubs. An hour later, they lost the second, 0-10.
Maahir’s Team – The Soccer Cubs, after winning the first game 3-0
Maahir was amongst the best player in his team. In the winning game, he fired the ball like a bullet, from the mid-field, right into the nets. There was little that the goal keeper could do, as he watched the ball sail over his head. An outstanding goal, orchestrated by the coach instructing from the side lines, superbly executed by the player. This proud moment for the parents was soon to be overshadowed by the act of indiscipline. Maahir had to sit out through the second game, even as his team players requested the team owner to get him back on the field.
That afternoon we played the role of parent-coach, Purvi and I had a serious conversation with our 10 year old. It was good to see him quickly understand what he had done wrong. He realized the price his team had to pay for losing one of their best players. One mistake – and he was out of the team.
Sports can be a great teacher, for those who are willing to learn. Exactly a week later, we re-lived and added to the lessons learned on the field, as we watched the Aamir Khan starrer, Dangal. It was easy for the children to pick on the lessons of discipline and hard work (daily 5 a.m. training regime for Geeta and Babita), giving up on what you like (food cravings), being prepared to do whatever it takes (short hair-cut for the girls, non-vegetarian diet), serious and hard preparations (school girls competing against the big boys), fighting back from failure, perseverance, and more. The hard part was for us, the parents, to realize that there was plenty in it for us to learn as well. Every parent needs to play the role of a parent-coach like Mahavir Singh Phogat for his Geeta and Babita,
It is imperative for parents to share with children the importance of setting goals at an early age – so long as children understand their importance and are willing to work towards their realization. Maahir wrote his first goal when he was 5, and Shourya drew it up when he was 2.
A loving parent will always face the dilemma of being a taskmaster coach. That said, it is absolutely, necessary for the parent-coach to enforce strict discipline while maintaining an extremely nurturing atmosphere for the children. As a coach, always demand the best preparation and the maximum effort. But when your child experiences failure, teach him that it is not the end of the world. If he loses, tell him that he was just outscored on the day. Hold him by his hand, talk to him and prepare him for his next challenge. Personally, I have been fortunate and blessed to have parents who’ve always maintained the balance.
A parent-coach should instill the importance of hard work, and repeated practice, in pursuit of excellence. He has to raise the bar every time they enter into the arena. “You have to apply yourself each day to becoming a little better. By applying yourself to the task of becoming a little better each and every day over a period of time, you will become a lot better,” said the famous basket ball coach, John Wooden. In the game that he was pulled out, Maahir had lost his opportunity to become better that day. It is important to teach children to love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning
A parent-coach needs to be on the sidelines during the game – to guide, correct, cheer and inspire. It makes a big difference. I recall Maahir telling me after a drawn game that I missed out on, “Papa, if you would had been around, I would have definitely scored a goal and our team would have won.” Likewise, I am happy to have Dad around at the workplace – it has made the difference to my life and career.
And finally, a parent coach should share honest and constructive feedback. As Carlos Dweck writes in her book, Mindset, “Praise should deal, not with the child’s personality attributes, but for their efforts and achievements. Children should be appreciated not for their intelligence and talents, but for the efforts, hard work, practice, persistence, and other growth oriented processes.” Words of encouragement and praise should to be carefully timed and chosen. In the film, the father holds on to golden words “Shabash”, in praise of his daughter until she has won an International Gold Medal.
A parent-coach needs to commit undivided time and attention to the children, because, it’s not about coaching them for a game or a sport, or making them good players. It’s about preparing them for life and making them good human beings.
The Temptation to Spend Money
“People spend because the necessities or the enticements are so immediate and the consequences of not saving are so distant. Even when spending is patently dumb, life is often so burdensome that the temptation to purchase a little relief is universal and irresistible.” – James Mullen
Life – The Master’s Plan
As we march ahead in pursuit of our goals, engaging all our knowledge, experience, efforts and consciousness, there shall be moments of truth that will remind that in the end, life will take course as per the Master’s plan.
Life is Race
Another excerpt from my book in writing – Some say,“Life is a race”.
The questions we need to ask ourselves is “Who are we competing with ? What for ? Where is the finishing line ? And when do win ?” Life undoubtedly is the greatest of all games, when played fairly and by the rules. It does not matter who finishes first. What counts in the end is that we’ve played the game splendidly, with honor and respect; we made the difference to the game.
Lord Krishna – Be intent on the action, not on the fruits of action
The Bhagwad Gita, Book 2, Verse 47
Translation
“To action alone hast thou a right and never at all to its fruits; let not the fruits of action be thy motive; neither let there be motive in thee any attachment to inaction.”
–
S Radhakrishnan
When an individual acts for the sake of his work rather than for the personal reward from it, he or she is likely to do the right thing. This moral insight from Krishna to Arjuna, in the Bhagwad Gita is popularly termed as “nishkama karma”.
“Be intent on the action, not on the fruits of action”.
Continue reading Lord Krishna – Be intent on the action, not on the fruits of action
Get to the Top – Suhel Seth
“Life is not about being simply interested in things. It is about being involved with them.” – Suhel Seth, in his book, Get To The Top
“I have always told colleagues and friends that their place on this planet is as human beings and not as plodders. Bulls work, so do oxen. But men and women are destined for more than just a routine job. The more you do your job to the exclusion of everything else, the more stifled and less attractive you will be. Such is life. Develop interests that are as tangential as possible. Go see plays, watch as many movies as you can. Go to the opera and if you don’t want to do this esoteric stuff, then go travel and observe human behavior. Read as much as you can; develop an interest in music. Move beyond that office and that job…See a world beyond the one at your desk“
– Excerpt from Get To The Top
Related Post
The Ultimate Secrert of The Miracle Man
The story of “The Miracle Man” is one of best examples to explain the power of our thoughts. It teaches us how to create a desired state of being, to build self- confidence.Thoughts just don’t matter – they become matter. The way we think affects our body and our life. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes.”
An emerging field of science called psychoneuroimmunology explains the connection between the mind and the body. Our thoughts are responsible for the chemistry of the brain. Whenever we think, we trigger a biochemical reaction in the brain. The brain then releases chemical signals which get passed on to the body. These signals act as the messengers of the thought. Every thought produces a chemical signature that the body recognizes and reacts to. The thoughts that cause the biochemical reaction in the brain make our body feel exactly like the way we were thinking. This in turn determines how we feel. We then react to the feeling and transmit the same message to the brain. The brain responds to our reaction and generates the thoughts that produce the corresponding chemical messengers. We now begin to think the way we are feeling. Simply put, thinking causes feeling and then feelings create thoughts—an unending cycle. This continuous loop eventually produces a state of mind which determines how we behave and act.
When we think of positive, inspiring thoughts, our brain produces matter that is known as neurotransmitters. These chemicals make us feel uplifted and inspired. Scientists have discovered that the neurotransmitters regulate all our emotions. Likewise, when we have self-deprecating thoughts the brain releases chemicals called neuropeptides, to which the body responds in a corresponding way. The moment we think negative, the brain releases chemicals that produce the same feeling. We are short of self confidence and feel incapable of achieving. This feeling in turns leads to more of the same thoughts. Until this chain of thought is broken, the brain and the body shall generate the same biological feedback loop resulting in a state of mind that reinforces the negative state of mind.
Thoughts matter: they make us what we are. Thoughts become matter in our body – and control our state of being. Most importantly, not all thoughts are conscious. Over the years, we have learned to think and respond to situations in a certain way. As we continue to have the same thoughts repeatedly, these conscious thoughts turn into unconscious automated thought processes. They are like computer programs running in the background, controlling our lives, creating patterns of behavior that are almost involuntary. These behavioral patterns turn into habits that become neurologically hardwired in the brain. Conscious thoughts and actions, when repeated often, become unconscious thinking and ways of being.
How then do we guard ourselves against the auto-pilot?
To break this cycle of the unconscious thinking process requires a conscious effort. To do this, we must first consciously identify, through contemplation and self-reflection, the automatic thought programs that run within us. Next, it requires a deliberate effort of observing these thoughts without responding to them. In this way we shall break the chemical responses that are responsible for our habitual behavior, mindset and attitudes. It requires a conscious unlearning of the attitudes and the mindset that we wish to change. Once we have disrupted the automatic programs, we can then re-train our mind the way we want by exercising conscious control over our thoughts
Another example of the ‘The Ultimate Secret’
“Whatever you vividly imagine, ardently desire, sincerely believe and enthusiastically act upon, must, inevitably come to pass” – Paul Meyer.
Related Books, References
My Sister Honey
Back in the 80’s, Honey and I were just the two kids in the house – sharing chocolates, riding the bicycle and the jeep I had, fighting over toys, studying together (mom taught both of us). When someone took up a fight with me, he knew he had to deal with my little sister. Those memories shall remain forever.
Honey is in the US, since 2003, and we may not be talking as often as a brother or sister would – but that that doesn’t matter. Because deep within, both of us know that we are there for each other – always. In 2009, Honey and Mayur got married. I am so glad that my sister has found a humble, thoughtful, responsible and caring partner.
She is precious and shall always be…
Miss You Sister,
Happy Raksha Bandhan
Sonu Bhaiya